A big empty feeling

Been trying really hard to jus stop thinking. Not contemplating and worrying about think that doesnt concern me right now. I´ve been trying really hard to just be. Being myself, for myself and not doubting what I am. But It´s really hard. How does anyone do it? How do you all look so damn happy? Are you really that happy or are you just like me. Pretending to be something you´re not.
It could be the grieve. It feels so weird being at my granma´s house.. and not seeing my precious grandfather. The feeling that at any second he´ll just walk through that door and having a cup of coffee is nagging my bone-marrow. Its an acing feeling that doesnt seem to let me go And seen granmother fight every second to not fall apart is heartbreaking. She thinks we cant see it. But I know my family, and I know how people work.
My dad´s mentor, his father, his entire world has been taken from him. He´s keeping up a strong face but his eyes is telling me that he just wants to crawl up in a corner and cry his eyes out.
So this nagging empty feeling is dragging me down.

But dont worry.. just needed to write down some feelings. Feeling better already.

peace and carrots to you all.

Nothing less then you make it

These past days I have been, not floating on clouds, but not far from it. Ive been... almost satisfide with who I am.
And with that in mind, I thought I had been trying to make it better. I really thought I had. But I just realised I havnt. Ive had excuses all day every day. Im not satisfide with my life as it is. Not trying to live each day as my life.
So many people are daying every day with thoughts of what they should have done with life. I dont want to be that person.
I want to really do something new with me every day. Even if it's as a small thing as hugging the people I love one more time or going for that walk in the neighborhood, to do some charity work.
And above all things. Loving myself. Loose all that weight that make me avoid the mirror and other people.
I want to live my life to the fullest and if I look back and regret something Ive done. At least I will have done something.
I do love those few exeptional fantastic people thats in my life. I hope Ill meet more people like them along the way.

Peace and carrots to you all.

:D



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Saturday evening...

A surprisingly fast week has almost past by and a new one soon begins. Im beginning to accept the fact that there´s no creativity, what so ever, in this line of work. It was, and is still in many ways, suffocating me, but I think Im learning to keep my head above the water.
I even started drawing again today. It´s been to long since last. But today I found an inspiring and beautiful man to draw a portrait of. I usually dont draw men. Why!? I dont know. But so far Im quite satisfied with the outcome. Ill keep you updated. hehe
Right now Im also satisfying the geek inside me by watching "Lord of the rings, The two towers". The extended version of course.

A piece of the story

"'Du kommer aldrig vara mer vacker än du är i denna stund.' sa akillies till briseis. Men om du lever för alltid, fryst i samma sekund för all evighet, har det inte riktigt samma betydelse längre."







- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone