A big empty feeling

Been trying really hard to jus stop thinking. Not contemplating and worrying about think that doesnt concern me right now. I´ve been trying really hard to just be. Being myself, for myself and not doubting what I am. But It´s really hard. How does anyone do it? How do you all look so damn happy? Are you really that happy or are you just like me. Pretending to be something you´re not.
It could be the grieve. It feels so weird being at my granma´s house.. and not seeing my precious grandfather. The feeling that at any second he´ll just walk through that door and having a cup of coffee is nagging my bone-marrow. Its an acing feeling that doesnt seem to let me go And seen granmother fight every second to not fall apart is heartbreaking. She thinks we cant see it. But I know my family, and I know how people work.
My dad´s mentor, his father, his entire world has been taken from him. He´s keeping up a strong face but his eyes is telling me that he just wants to crawl up in a corner and cry his eyes out.
So this nagging empty feeling is dragging me down.

But dont worry.. just needed to write down some feelings. Feeling better already.

peace and carrots to you all.