Tears down my cheek

I'm not suppose to be happy. I know that now. Knowing it though, doesn't make it much easier.
Tears falling down my cheek as I realize how unforfilling my life is.
I love my family, I really do. I love them so much my heart aches just thinking about what I'm about to write. But my thoughts and feelings need to come out. I too, sometimes need release all my worries built up inside.
My mother never seem to notice me. I'm the 'accidental' child. She doesn't seem to listen to me unless it's about problems regarding my father. Then she's quick to point fingers and talks about what he does wrong. I find myself often looking for something regarding my father in order to talk to her.
When she comes home after work... she do sometimes not even say hi. Forgett even trying to talk with her about something she finds boring. If theres an intresst of mine that she doesn't really want to hear about, she pretends to listen.
All my teenage years I've been trying to get a mother-daughter day with her. I can really one think of One day. And even that day she rushed trough it. We went to Ge-kås. It feelt like we rushed trough that whole day.
Im a heartbroken child and perhaps that's what makes me weird! I'm not intressted about anything in life anymore. Even movies seem to loose it colours. The fire I had about all things, have left this bodie.
Ive given all my energi to everyone else. This makes it really difficult to make anything for myself. And here I am...
Please God, let me move past this test. I've had enough. Just please let me be like my dreams. I'm not asking for the best. But better than this. Please... Mend my heart so I can do what I wan. Most. To love myself again and to give love to all who wants and needs it.


Let me drift of into my favorite place.

Long and happy dreams to you all.